Welcome back, ladies and gents, for our House of the Dragon Season 2 Episode 3 recap and spoilers, where we’ll take a look at the latest episode of the popular Max series and overthink the hell out of it.
First, a recap of my recap. Season 2’s first episodes haven’t exactly rocked my world. While beautifully shot and brilliantly acted, I’m not as invested in this storyline as I initially thought. Season 1 wasn’t perfect, but it captured some of the magic Game of Thrones tossed out weekly through its first five or six seasons — complex characters, political intrigue, shocking betrayal, and murder.
House of the Dragon looks like Game of Thrones and occasionally sounds like it, but the storyline and characters remain stuck in an endless loop. We’re not progressing. Rhaenyra remains committed to not going to war, no matter how many people try to kill her, Alicent appears content to bang Criston Cole all over King’s Landing, Aemond spends his days whining to brothel women, Daemon goes out of his way to be an asshole, and Rhaenys sits around smirking as if she knows way more than everyone else. Each episode presents another reason for the Greens and Blacks to hate each other.
By contrast, Game of Thrones featured a colorful assortment of characters experiencing their own personal odysseys. Tyrion, Jon, Daenerys, Arya, Littlefinger, Cersei, or Jaime; it didn’t matter who was on screen — they were all fascinating or participating in something captivating.
I’m all for slow-burn TV, but Dragon isn’t burning; it’s running in place until the grand finale. Maybe this episode picks up the pace and drives us closer to our goal.
House of the Dragon Season 2 Episode 3 recap and spoilers
House of the Dragon Season 2 Episode 3 opens with two groups of boys, the Blackwoods and Brackens, getting into a scuffle over some border rocks. They exchange F-bombs and reveal their allegiances. The Brackens root for the Greens and call the Blackwoods “babe killers,” while the Blackwoods cheer for the Blacks. Tensions mount, and swords are drawn.
“You wouldn’t dare,” the Blackwoods say.
Smash cut to the same boys, now dead, lying amongst thousands of bodies next to a mill. The point? This dispute between the Blacks and the Greens is getting out of hand and crossing into smallfolk territory. To emphasize this idea, the Queen That Never Was explains to Rhaenyra how people use this conflict to satisfy their bloodlust.
“We teeter now at the point where none of it will matter,” she says as dirt covers Arryk and Erryk’s corpses. “And the desire to kill and burn takes hold, and reason is forgotten.”
Keep in mind that Rhaenys murdered at least a couple hundred innocent bystanders when she fled from King’s Landing on her dragon last season. Nobody seems to care about that particular incident, for some reason, including the writers.
Rhaenys urges Rhaenyra to speak with Alicent. “Erm,” Rhaenyra says. “She doth not like me.” In other words, no thanks. War is inevitable.
At King’s Landing, Ser Criston sits at his first council meeting as the Hand of the King. He takes strays from everyone, including Alicent, for his dumb, Acolyte-ish attack on Rhaenyra. “Now we must go to war,” Alicent says. Yes, only now, after Criston sent an extra to kill Rhaenyra, is war suddenly inevitable, Alicent.
Aemond and Aegon cheer on the windmill slaughter. Like audiences, they’re happy to see something happen in this show. The council debates the next steps. Eventually, Criston offers to “enlist the Brackens, subdue the Riverlands, and take Harrenhal” without any dragons. “I’m not taking any dragons because we don’t have the budget—er—I’m trying to keep a low profile.”
As a side, what exactly is Criston’s motivation here? Is he trying to impress Alicent, or is he still pissed at Rhaenyra for their one-night stand 15 years ago? He has acquired more power than he ever imagined, yet he continues to behave like a mopey teenager who just got dumped via text. You’re telling me this man, this once-noble knight of the realm, willingly starts a war to get back at his ex-girlfriend?
Speaking of uninteresting characters, we spend more time with the White Worm, a weird ass former brothel owner who apparently knows everything and everyone connected with the plot. She wants a place by Rhaenyra’s side for, um, almost trying to kind of save her life last week. Eh, sure.
Next, we get an extended sequence with Daemon as he invades Harrenhal without much opposition. He kicks open the doors to the dining room and finds Ser Simon Strong enjoying a meager feast with his boys. After discussing whether or not they poisoned his peas, Daemon joins them and explains the importance of this particular fortress. In short, it’s huge. Unfortunately, said fortress looks like shit.
“We need money,” Strong explains. And Daemon needs a place to garrison the men of the Riverlands after he converts them to his cause. “Eh, if you watched the beginning of the episode, you’d know the Blackwoods and Brackens hate each other,” Strong says.
“Why?” Dameon asks.
“That answer is lost in time,” Strong replies, reiterating the point of this episode just in case you didn’t catch it earlier. “If you are successful,” Strong continues, “what then?”
Daemon stares him down. “We march on King’s Landing and take the throne.” Okay, then.
The next day is haircut day. Criston shows off his new Lloyd Christmas locks to Alicent’s bro, Ser Gwayne Hightower. Have we met him before? I don’t remember. At any rate, he doesn’t like Criston or his hair, sneering at him the same way that snobby waiter sneered at Ferris Bueller.
Alicent also acts a little salty toward this new iteration of Criston. Why? Didn’t the last episode end with the pair rolling around in the sack? He asks for her blessing as he heads off to war. She reluctantly hands him a rag. She doesn’t like his hair either.
On Dragonstone, we get another scene with Rhaenyra’s council, who implores her to fight. She asks for patience and more men. I guess Daemon flew off last week not out of anger but to attain more support. “Everyone,” she says, “this is gonna take a long time.” The board tries to ship her away, er, for her own protection, a deceit she sniffs out without much effort.
Later, Rhynaera sends Rhaena and a few small dragons on a mission to “remind Lady Jeyne of her pledge.” Rhaena reluctantly bids her sister Baela adieu and ships off.
The board is set and the pieces are moving. Kind of.
At King’s Landing, Aegon readies himself for battle but experiences a change of heart after speaking with Larys Strong. The “Master of Whispers” tells him that some people claim he was egged on to battle so Alicent could lead in his absence. Naturally, he cancels his flight plans and hangs with his boys at a local tavern and, later, a brothel.
We then get a scene with an unnamed man claiming to be the son of Baelon the Brave and the bastard brother to Daemon and Viserys. Perusing the World Wide Web, many believe this is Ulf the White, a character who plays a major role in the upcoming war. I’m avoiding spoilers, so that’s all I know.
Coincidentally, Aegon arrives, and we spend the next few minutes following him around the smallfolk, where we see much drinking, a full-on blowjob, and Aemond once again chilling with his prostitute mistress. Aegon mocks his bro for loving a prostitute and lets him know he will indeed be the next man—another reason for Aemond to dislike his king if there wasn’t enough reason.
We then meet up with Criston Cole and Alicent’s brother. After exchanging casual f— yous, Criston spots Baela’s dragon soaring overhead. “We’re exposed,” he says before making like Bull and shouting, “To the trees!”
Cue a cool shot of Baela diving at the men, only narrowly missing them as they flee into the forest.
“You’re a good dude,” Ser Gwayne tells Criston—best friends for life.
Baela alerts Rhynaera of Criston’s location at another council at Dragonstone. Once again, Rhynaera’s council instructs her to fight. Once again, Rhynaera dismisses the council without a clear-cut plan. Once again, Rhaenys smirks like she knows something.
Next, we get an odd scene with Daemon at Harrenhal, where Milly Alcock visits him in a nightmare. “I’m always cleaning up your messes,” she says, stitching Jaehary’s head back to his body. He awakens to find himself standing before a Weirwood tree, where a woman in black gives him some good news: “You will die here.”
This moment is a significant foreshadowing of things to come for our wayward pal, according to Twitter. Tread lightly down that rabbit hole, readers. Also, it’s nice to see Daemon show a little remorse for his actions. Is he growing?
On Dragonstone, Rhynaera asks the White Worm to help her get to Alicent at King’s Landing. After a quick boat ride and a crafty disguise (donated by that “shame” lady), Rhynaera kneels next to Alicent at that table with all the candles.
Here we go. The moment we’ve all been waiting for—Alicent v Rhynaera. Anything could happen. Rhynaera could kill her friend. Alicent could sound the alarm. Or they could embrace and put this whole mess behind them.
Eh, the conversation mostly consists of Rhynaera saying she deserves the throne and Alicent saying she deserves the throne. I suppose Rhynaera will feel more justified in her quest now that she learned what her father actually said to Alicent on his deathbed, but it’s too late to call back the wolves. War is inevitable, you see?
The funniest bit about all this is that thousands of people will die because Alicent didn’t realize there was more than one Aegon.
Alicent flees the scene, shockingly, without sounding the alarm. These people happily kill smallfolk but will absolutely under no circumstances murder each other. Rhynaera, looking quite silly in that nun getup, appears shocked. Hans Zimmer’s Dune plays over the soundtrack, and the episode ends like we witnessed a big, dramatic, historic TV moment.
Final thoughts and theories
Sigh. We know war is inevitable. War has been inevitable since the end of Season 1. While it’s nice to see Rhynaera resist the urge to fight, her reluctance is also annoying. If she genuinely desires peace, she need only step aside, but she won’t. She wants the crown, even though she knows her kids are not the rightful heirs.
At this point, I’m questioning her capabilities as a leader. Especially after she willingly entered King’s Landing in broad daylight, hoping that calling Alicent a liar would persuade her to give up the throne.
As Gob Bluth would say, “Come on!”
Overall, this episode, like the previous two, was fine—not great, not bad, just fine. However, it left me more frustrated than eager for more. The problem lies with the characters. Neither Rhynaera nor Alicent are particularly impressive. Criston Cole sucks. Daemon, the show’s most intriguing character, doesn’t have enough to do. Corlys is stuck in a shipyard.
No one has changed despite the constant tragedy they seem to experience on a daily basis.
Moreover, the content of these first three episodes could fit into one. Start with Jaehaerys’ death and end with Rhynaera and Alicent’s conversation. Nothing would be lost, save for lengthy moments of dry exposition and repeated character beats telling us what we already know.
The first season made it clear that these two houses had a valid reason to go to war. Everyone was and is on board. Why are we wasting so much time emphasizing this fact? Are there people still on the fence? Is anyone really torn between the Greens — Alicent, Criston, Aegon, and Larys — and the Blacks — Rhynaera, Daemon, Jace, and Rhaenys? The showrunners have made it clear who they’re cheering for, now they have to pull the trigger.
As Romeo Pasar would say, “Then do it. Quit f—ing around!”
House of the Dragon Season 2 Episode 3 is now streaming on Max.
