What a difference 31 years — feeling old yet? — makes. In 1992, White Men Can’t Jump was sold entirely on the premise of its two A-list stars, Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson, facing off. But White Men Can’t Jump (2023) doesn’t even have the decency to be a legacy sequel. The remake stars relative newcomers, depending instead upon name recognition for the title alone. Woody and Wesley would probably come cheaper than they used to, and a hypothetical Old Men Can’t Jump in which they hustle younger kids at street basketball seems like more of a gimme that what we actually have here, which is a mediocre remake directed by Calmatic, who just made the mediocre remake of House Party. He’s developing a niche, for better or (so far) worse.
Still, just as House Party managed to give us one surprisingly great performance by a rapper (Kid Cudi, in that instance), so too does White Men Can’t Jump (2023) with Jack Harlow in his feature acting debut. Recently mocked by Beavis and Butt-head for appearing as a guest in too many music videos, Harlow’s comedic chops as a recent Saturday Night Live host prove no fluke. This white man may not be especially able to jump — the title has become overly literalized here, as Harlow’s character, Jeremy, literally has injured knees with prominent surgical scars — but his timing is excellent.
Jeremy Spoke in Court Today
Like Harrelson’s Billy in the original, Harlow’s Jeremy hustles for money by showing up to basketball courts and gyms with almost entirely black players, coming off as the biggest dork imaginable — NPR tote bag and “self-care club” sweatshirt always at the ready. When they inevitably challenge him with money on the line, his combination of surprisingly good court skills and expertly aimed personal insults throws his opponents off their game, and he usually wins. “I’m like the P.T. Anderson of basketball psychological warfare!” he declares to a group of competitors who neither know nor care who that is.
Kamal (Sinqua Walls) is a former #1 college recruit whose temper took him down the wrong path 10 years prior. He’s successfully conned by Jeremy, but later realizes that in a two-on-two tournament with cash prizes, the goofy white boy might be the perfect partner. Both need the money to support their girlfriends. Jeremy wants more for his Tatiana (Laura Harrier) than to teach dance classes. If not for the income, she could follow her personal choreographer dreams. Imani (singer Teyana Taylor) runs her one-woman beauty salon out of her and Kamal’s home, and he’d love for her to move that (and her mouthiest clients) to an actual separate building.
Losing the Plot
While the original White Men Can’t Jump was equal parts sports movie and urban crime dramedy, the remake sticks fairly strictly to the sports lane. Most of the movie takes place on basketball courts, and aside from Kamal and Jeremy’s up-and-down friendship, the only main external source of drama is the health of Kamal’s father (the late Lance Reddick). Reddick initially seems to be doing his take on Will Smith’s “King” Richard Williams, but he mostly just gets to play terminally ill. Like his character’s death in John Wick 4, this has more resonance than likely originally intended.
Ironically for a movie that features a contemporary rapper and current singer in major lead roles, most of the film’s soundtrack is ’90s hip-hop. Aside from the title, it’s the biggest nod to nostalgia appeal; one can hardly imagine if the original had done likewise and featured hits of the ’60s. Ed Sheeran gets a nod as the one white artist acceptable to Kamal, and it’ll be interesting to see if this helps his sales any. The dialogue is laden with decidedly Hulu-level profanity; if not for that, its Disney Channel production values would feel more directly like a TV spinoff pilot. It’s shot very basically, with wardrobe that looks off-the-rack.
Meanwhile, Harlow and Walls are approximately to Harrelson and Snipes as Clayne Crawford and Damon Wayans were to Mel Gibson and Danny Glover on Lethal Weapon. Movie-wise, a combo like Michael B. Jordan and Pete Davidson would be more appropriate successors.
Wesley and Woody (Still) Can’t Be Beat
Walls has a more thankless job than Snipes — he’s mostly there to react to Harlow and Reddick and lose his temper when the plot calls for it. Part of his arc involves learning to meditate, a pastime he initially derides as “white,” prompting Jeremy to promise it won’t lighten his skin. It’s all fairly predictable stuff, which feels like a disservice to some of the genuine twists in the first film. If Harlow could carry this movie, he would — but the script has two leads, and Kamal’s simply not as compelling as Jeremy. At about the halfway point, as the movie veers into its obligatory second-act personal setbacks, it loses much of its appeal and probably your interest.
White Men Can’t Jump is hardly the most sacred IP in the world, but anyone attempting to revive it needs to understand that while the original marketing highlighted little more than two charming guys trash-talking, writer-director Ron Shelton put way more into it than that. Calmatic and writers Kenya Barris (You People) and Doug Hall (Leprechaun 5: In the Hood) have not.
Grade: 5/10
As ComingSoon’s review policy explains, a score of 5 equates to “Mediocre.” The positives and negatives wind up negating each other, making it a wash.
