#3
Maleficent
DIR. Robert Stromberg
Now here is a head scratcher, or perhaps a sign of when a studio recognizes an underserved audience and pounces. Maleficent made over $241 million domestically and over $757 million worldwide and it’s hardly a movie as much as it’s, as I wrote in my review, “a film consisting of bullet points rather than scenes”.
Nothing happens as much as we see the moments after something has taken place. Characters aren’t created we only see what they’ve done, which is the equivalent of cinematic baseball cards reading off their stats and accomplishments, giving us an idea of who/what they are rather than allowing us to actually get to know them. This film was offered up under the guise of being a female-led feature, something for women to find empowerment, particularly in an anti-hero that is symbolically raped and manages to not only find vengeance, but compassion. There very well may be an uplifting message in Maleficent but it’s lost in a terrible, terrible movie.
REVIEW SNIPPET:
It’s one thing to be a bad movie and it’s quite another to be boring and heaven help the film that is both. For its target audience, which I assume to be young girls no older than ten or so, Maleficent may be an enchanting feature filled with fairies and a strong female anti-hero turned heroine. For everyone else, I say beware, this is a tiresome slog that had me checking my watch 30 minutes in and every ten minutes after as it felt it would never end. Every turn in the story is narrated by Janet McTeer as if reading from an outline of the film’s script, which is so spectacularly weak it features entire scenes so riveting some end with people sitting in chairs while the focus of others is to watch as a character laughs maniacally to themselves… while sitting in a chair.
Read my full review here.
#2
Tammy
DIR. Ben Falcone
Remember Tammy? I’m happy to say I sure didn’t as it was another movie I was reminded of when compiling this list. Melissa McCarthy is talented and I do find her funny, but not when she’s basically playing the female Kevin James, a distinction I make only because I don’t consider James to be talented, so whenever I see McCarthy dumbing down her talents for something as awful as this it hurts me as much as it hurts us all, especially once you see it making more than $84 million at the domestic box office. She’s better than this tripe.
REVIEW SNIPPET:
Am I supposed to laugh at the introduction of Tammy, as she’s driving down the road, shoveling Doritos into her mouth before ramming into a deer? Am I supposed to laugh when she is fired from her job at a fast food restaurant, after which she contaminates the food and stuffs hamburgers in her pockets only to stuff a few in her face on her tearful drive home? Perhaps I’m supposed to laugh as she pines for Cheetos, stalks sugared donuts or as she strives to hop on a fast food counter in her attempt to rob the place. I guess the question I’m getting at is, am I supposed to laugh because Melissa McCarthy is overweight? If not, am I supposed to comment on it at all?
Read my full review here.
#1
Revenge of the Green Dragons
DIRS. Andy Lau Tak Wah & Andrew Loo
Yes, the worst movie I saw in 2014 was a Martin Scorsese presentation. Revenge of the Green Dragons is bad, bad, bad, bad, bad and why Scorsese would allow his name to be attached to this mess for marketing purposes is beyond me. Featuring a bunch of yelling, an awful score, awful performances and cliched “this is what bad ass gangsters do” activity, Revenge of the Green Dragons is the antithesis of a quality movie and I’m struggling to remember even a single positive attribute to highlight.
REVIEW SNIPPET:
“There’s a storm coming, and I don’t know of any umbrella that can keep the city dry.” This is an actual quote from Revenge of the Green Dragons, an awful movie if I’ve ever seen one and a baffling one at that as Martin Scorsese has attached his name to the picture as an executive producer, presumably as a nod to co-writer and co-director Andy Lau going back to when Scorsese adapted Infernal Affairs into the Oscar winner The Departed. Fair enough, but Lau makes more than enough films and Scorsese didn’t need to come within a mile of this one and tarnish his reputation.
Read my full review here.
That does it for me, now it’s your turn to share your list of the worst movies you saw in 2014, and if you’re interested in celebrating the best the year had to offer you can click here for my Top Ten Movies of 2014.
