Armageddon is a quintessential Hollywood popcorn flick. Directed by Michael Bay, this 1998 bonanza goes out of its way to give moviegoers their money’s worth. While the substance may be as beneficial to the soul as roller food, it takes balls to make something this big, loud, and in-your-face. (And Bay knows something about balls.)
This fourth of July — the 25th Anniversary of Armageddon — I decided to write a list of why Bay’s film embodies the American spirit so well. You won’t want to miss a thing!
Fireworks
Bored with fireworks this year? Skip the crowds and let Armageddon do the work.
Okay — it doesn’t have actual fireworks, per se. But Bay concocts an equally dazzling cacophony of thunderous explosions. From the bombastic opening scene in New York to the climactic showdown atop an asteroid, Armageddon dazzles you with nonstop action and impressive pyrotechnics. Who needs a paltry 10-minute show you have to wait until sundown to see? Bay delivers a 151-minute extravaganza in the comfort of your home.
Don’t think about the silly plot. Something about a group of oil drillers sent to space to stop an asteroid from hitting Earth? I think so, anyway. It makes less sense now than it did twenty-five years ago. Just kick back and enjoy the show!
Americana
Bay has an eye for montages. Armageddon is a shotgun blast of his patriotic fervor. The runtime is stuffed with overwrought shots of American flags, kids playing baseball, and people at church — all with enough slow-mo to make Zack Snyder envious.
At one point, the United States president delivers a rousing speech intercut with our heroes suiting up for the dangerous mission. At the same time, regular folk gather around TVs and radios to tune in. His speech bests President Whitmore’s speech from Independence Day — and I’ll die on that hill.
But it’s not all American propaganda. Our heroes unite with a Russian astronaut who helps Ben Affleck locate his team atop the violent asteroid. I’m very aware of how silly I sound, but I get goosebumps every time Harry spots AJ and delivers the immortal words: “Damn, I’m glad to see ya, boy!”
The 90s
There was something hopeful and innocent about the 1990s. That optimism was reflected in pop culture from the era. Hollywood took a massive leap in innovation, producing massive blockbusters like Jurassic Park, Titanic, Twister, Rush Hour, Mission: Impossible, Terminator 2, The Matrix, and Total Recall. Endlessly re-watchable entertainment that continuously raised the bar for VFX and action. We accepted these pictures without reservation, worshipped our movie stars, and crowded into theaters. All to spend cheer for our heroes alongside a bunch of equally enamored strangers.
Yeah, I probably sound like that Nicole Kidman AMC commercial. But the ’90s offered fun, breezy entertainment modern cinema can’t seem to replicate.
Armageddon represents the peak of this era, which would change drastically following the success of The Matrix — a film that suddenly made us question everything. Armageddon is bloated, long, and dumb, but it’s also simple-minded and refreshingly straightforward. Bay’s mission priority is to entertain the masses who dropped a whopping $4 per ticket to bask in his mayhem. For the low cost of admission, he delivers the equivalent of a three-hour rollercoaster.
The Cast
Part of Armageddon’s vast appeal was its astonishing cast of superstars. Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck, Steve Buscemi, Billy Bob Thornton, Liv Tyler, Michael Clarke Duncan, William Fichtner, Peter Stormare, Jason Isaacs, Owen Wilson, Keith David … that’s a murderers row of talent. Hell, even Michael Bay was a rock star — the guy who delivered Bad Boys and The Rock directing a disaster epic? Count me in! This Fourth of July, bask in the stars of a bygone era and watch them come together to save mankind in the silliest way possible.
Aerosmith
You’ve heard the song a billion times. You probably even know it by heart through osmosis.
“I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” was a phenomenon, the type of song that played endlessly over the radio and remains a corny piece of pop culture. It’s right up there with “My Heart Will Go On” and “I Will Always Love You.” DJs played it at school dances, Will Ferrell and Napoleon Dynamite ice skated to it, and it’s a staple of most Fourth of July events. It’s one of those tunes everyone fell in love with, got sick of, and eventually accepted into everyday life like white bread.
So, there you have it. Five reasons to watch Armageddon on the Fourth of July. Pop it in and enjoy the show. If you find yourself cynically lambasting every goofy moment or incorrect detail, eat another piece of watermelon or have another beer — it makes the “Bayhem” easier to stomach.
