SHOCK recaps the ninth episode of AMERICAN HORROR STORY: HOTEL.
The Countess and Will are discussing their wedding plans. He wants a huge gala, one befitting a famous designer; the Countess just wants it to be them, Lachlan, and the officiant. Will gives in and goes to finish her dress. The Countess will handle everything else. Of course, that everything else includes the genitals of former lovers. She puts a private eye on Valentino, who he discovers staying at a cheap motel. When the Countess visits, the passion is reunited. Later that night, she returns to the hotel and fucks Donovan. He is relieved to be back in her good graces and wants a commitment: they can do whatever they want with whoever they want, but he wants the Countess to only love him. She agrees, then in the same breath tells him about her impending nuptials. Donovan freezes, but the Countess assures him that she is getting married on Wednesday, but will be a widow by Thursday. A rich widow.
Iris is worried about her son being back at the hotel. The Countess blames her for Bartholomew getting out, and threatens to take it out on her son. Donovan isnt worried; he feels as if he has her wrapped around his finger. He then visits Ramona, who thinks him a pussy; Donovan assures her he is freshly motivated to kill the Countess. Being back with the Countess, Donovan wants her even more than he did before, but he realized his desperation for her will never go away. He is an addict who cant get a proper fix. Donovan promises he slipped her enough GHB to keep her unconscious, but admits to Ramona that he cant pull the trigger. She appreciates a man who understands his own weaknesses.
As Ramona and Donovan enjoy the buff blood bag Donovan brought with him, Ramona explain why she has waited so long to take her revenge on the Countess. After her man died, Ramona went back home. It was 1992, and though she hadnt seen her father in ten years, he welcomes her with open arms. Dad is in the initial stages of Alzheimers, and mom is on oxygen, but being home was great for Ramona. She felt like a little girl again, safe and warm. Then her mother died, and dad got worse, like his mind couldnt find a reason to hang on. Some men broke in one night, and when Ramona came home, she found her dad bludgeoned to death (or near-death) in his chair. In desperation, Ramona feeds him her blood. He came back to her, but unlike a broken bone, the virus cant just fix Alzheimers. At best, it stopped the disease from getting worse. She took care of him, brought him blood, for twenty years. One night she comes home and finds another break-in, but this time the intruders are dead on the floor and dad is sitting in his chair, covered in blood, a blank expression on his face. Ramona finally realized this was not a way to live. Dad was frozen in time. She gave her dad a Xanax and drowned him in the bathtub. Once he was gone, Ramona realized she was frozen in time, too. In the last twenty years, the internet became a thing, movies were streaming freely, and she was a star again. People started recognizing her, and Ramona started to remember what she had, what the Countess took from her.
The Countess is mad at March for essentially burying alive Valentino. She slaps him when he pops by to see what she and a contractor are planning for the wing that used to be Valentinos tomb. (She claims it is going to be an archive for Wills fashions.) She is stressed out over her wedding and what is planned after. She goes to sleep, which is exactly when Ramona and Donovan sneak in to kill her. Ramona plans to stab her in the heart, then behead her, just to make sure she is good and dead. As she readies the knife, the Countess sits up, startling Ramona right into Donovans waiting taser. Turns out, the Countess really does have her hooks back in Donovan. With Iris help, he puts Ramona in one of the neon-laced cages, which now resides within the Valentino wing. With cameras all around, Donovan is eager to hate-watch all of the Countess enemies tortured to death.
Before her wedding, the Countess visits Valentino. Natacha is out shopping with the Countess Black Card, and Valentino is mildly disappointed that his wife is so taken with modern life. But the Countess is his true love, so he has no problem getting rid of Natacha, especially when the Countess tells him of her plan to turn the hotel into a fortress against the modern world they both despise. Natacha returns home with her arms loaded with shopping bags, and the Countess asks her to come by the hotel tomorrow. Natacha wants never to return, but the Countess insists. She wants Natacha to shop amongst Wills newest collection, just the girls. She leaves, and we see that Donovan was watching her the whole time.
The wedding is a brief, stoic affair, just Lachlan and Liz (as the legally-required witness) in attendance. Liz objects to the wedding because the Countess is a bitch, but the officiant hurries to the pronouncement. Will and the Countess kiss dispassionately, then he goes to the bar while she changes into her traveling clothes, eager to start the honeymoon.
At the bar, March introduces himself to Will as a long time resident. Will doesnt question this, and the men chat about marriage. March is impressed with his modern, accepting approach to a blended family, but he isnt referring to Wills son; he is referring to the Countess. March takes the groom to the nursery and shows him Bartholomew. Again, we dont get to see little Barty, but we see the horrified look on Wills face. What is that thing? It doesnt even look human! The Countess has appeared in the doorway and is offended by Wills reaction to her child. I was going to wait until Paris; but now Im going to make sure you suffer immensely. She knocks him out.
Will wakes in the abandoned wing of the hotel. He is not in a cage, so when Ramona begs him for help, Will doesnt question it. He releases her from the cage then runs down the halls, desperate to find a way out. He soon discovers the wing is soundproof and is worried they will starve. I wont, Ramona says, slitting his neck and drinking him dry.
The Countess watches all of this on her bedroom monitor.
Also: there are news reports about a series of murders with exsanguinated victims and police looking to question a group of children who may have witnessed these attacks. Alex is suspicious, so she watches Maxs house. A pizza delivery guy goes into the house, and Alex follows. The place is a mess, and there are at least a dozen bodies piled up in corners. Alex finds Max and a bunch of his little fanged classmates eating the pizza man. Three kids, including Madeline, come out from the shadows. They are ill, refusing to eat and not wanting to kill. When Madeline hears that Alex is a doctor, she begs for her help. Alex warns the kids that the police are on to them and it is just a matter of time before the pizza guy is reported missing. She wants the kids to come back to the hotel. Max doesnt want any more adults telling him what to do; Jimmy wants to kill Alex. They pledged they would never let anyone leave this house alive, but Max refuses to kill his maker. They refuse to go with Alex, and Alex refuses to leave without them, so the kids leave, challenging Alex to deal with the cops.
