SHOCK gives thanks with our SCREAM QUEENS recap.
Its Thanksgiving at Kappa house. Chanel #3 goes home to the traditional family frozen dinners in front of a wall of TVs. She is mad that no one has asked her about the serial killer hunting her and bails on dinner. She finds the dean at Kappa house, using the facilities to make her own turkey dinner after her in-laws disinvited her because they still think she killed her ex. Zayday and Grace are still at Kappa house because they decided not to go to Oakland. When Grace hears that Wes isnt spending Thanksgiving with Gigi – because he hasnt heard from her – she invites him to the house. Gigi, it turns out, is having a room service Thanksgiving with the Red Devil (presumably the girl baby, since Boone is already dead). Chanel #5 shows up after going home and discovering her family went to the Maldives and forgot to tell her.
Chanel tells Chad that Hester was never pregnant, and she is dead. Gravity killed Hester. I just gave her a little push. Chad gets turned on by this and wants to have a threeway with Chanel and Hesters body. She agrees to take him to see the body – no sex – but when they get to the freezer, Hesters body is gone. Chad points out that since Chanel didnt bother to check her pulse, Hester is probably alive and will follow them out to the Hamptons to kill Chanel.
Chanel isnt scared by this, and goes with Chad to meet his family. Unsurprisingly, they are crazy. His parents think Chanel is a gold digger who isnt good enough for their family, despite Chanels ancestors coming over on the Mayflower. (The Radwells came over on a boat thirty years earlier.) Chads younger brother is a pervy date rapist-in-training; his older brother is an agent, getting rich on the backs of talented people. He doesnt let his vapid wife talk. So things arent quite going well for Chanel, but she smiles and defends her family, and herself.
Then Hester shows up, still insisting that she is pregnant with Chads baby and claiming that her neck brace prevented her neck from snapping, saving her life. Mrs. Radwell thinks this is another gold digging stunt, insults Hester, then insults Chad for bringing home two gold digging hoochies. Chanel tries to call her mom from the bathroom, but her mom is too drunk to know who she is. Mr. Radwell pops in and offers Chanel $50,000 to leave the Radwell home and never return. Chanel is insulted and returns to the living room for a post-dinner game of Pictionary. It is the gold diggers versus the Radwells, and the eldest son goes first. His card says horse, but it has been crossed out to say neckbrace whore. After several minutes of truly insulting guesses, and a Hester that is getting more uncomfortable by the minute, the Radwells get the clue. At this point, Chanel has had enough. She apologizes to Hester for trying to kill her (even though she still thinks she was justified) and apologizes for her having to sit through the meanest game of Pictionary ever. She dumps Chad and wants nothing more to do with the Radwell family. Hester decides to go with her.
Back at the Kappa house, it is taking longer than expected to cook the turkey, so everyone takes turns positing who the other killer is. Everyone knows that Boone is one of the Red Devils, and the assumption is that the other killer is the girl baby. The dean thinks it is #3 because on the night that the Devil attacked with a chainsaw, she saw #3 sneaking up the back stairs. Chanel #3 admits she waits until everyone has gone to sleep then poops in the downstairs bathroom. Chanel #3 thinks the dean is the killer. She was there on the night of the bathtub birth, and she hates the sorority more than anyone. Even if she isnt the Red Devil, #3 saw the dean eating a bologna sandwich, even after claiming she is allergic to lunchmeat in order to frame Feather for her ex-husbands murder.
Wes has to get something off his chest: he thinks Grace could be the killer, but for every piece of evidence he has against her, there is a reason she couldnt be. This is kind of ridiculous, a waste of time plot point. But as Wes points out, Grace was not buried with the pledges when deaf Taylor Swift was killed; she was checking out the campus on the same day the previous Kappa president was killed with acid in her spray tan; and he saw Grace talking to the Red Devil. Grace points out that it was Pete in the Devil costume, and while the dean agrees that it had to be Grace, Wes, with no explanation, now knows Grace isnt the killer.
Pete has arrived and lays out his evidence for Wes being the killer. He was trying to keep Grace safe, so he killed kids until the dean had no choice but to shut down the campus. (I dont even know where to start with how dumb that is.) He also found yearbook photos that showed Wes attended a rager in the secret tunnels below Kappa, so he knew about them. (Wes was too drunk to remember how to get through the tunnels.) He also saw Wes black out the security cameras in the walk-in freezer. (Wes went paleo, couldnt afford the meat, and stole it from the sorority.) But the most damning evidence is that Wes is the biological father of Boone. This shocks Wes – he swears he didnt know – but was not outside the realm of possibility: he was a man-slut in the 1990s. He goes into a bedroom to take this all in, and Grace follows. They both believe the other is innocent, but are both dead-set on stopping the Devils, even though it looks like they are blood relations.
Chanel and Hester return to Kappa house for Thanksgiving dinner. Chad shows up too, and Chanel thinks he chose her over his family. He actually chose turkey over his family, but this is good enough for Chanel. Chanel #5 brings out the turkey on a covered platter. When Chanel lifts the lid, unsurprisingly, it is not a turkey. It is Gigis head.
