Since I have never made a movie I am not quite sure just what I could, or would, do with a production budget of $155 million, but I am pretty sure Oliver Stone will never have to worry about that again. Alexander is a travesty of a film that had so much promise, and in my case, anticipation, but unfortunately it is a disaster of epic proportions.
Telling the life story of Alexander the Great may not be the simplest task to take on, but this film sets out to prove that it is virtually impossible. As the movie begins we are forced to listen to the ramblings of Anthony Hopkins as he plays an old Ptolemy, set on a stage that I probably could build myself as it looked like they just took some columns and palm trees and slapped together a set. As for what he was talking about, I honestly couldn’t tell you, after ten minutes my mind began to wander. This turns out to be quite unfortunate because his voice becomes the annoying narration of the entire film, including a final ten minute oratory at the end of the movie.
Taking this into consideration, from what I understand Film 101 tells filmmakers to avoid narration if at all possible, and Oliver Stone would have done well to pay attention, considering this is the prime example of how narration can ruin a film, but the disaster doesn’t stop there.
Stone decides to turn what should have been a war drama into a drama of dialogue as this three hour film only produces two battle scenes, both of which make it so hard to decide just what the hell is going on that they are worthless. From the dust filled canvas at the taking of Babylon to the psychedelic look of the final battle in India the action scenes just turn into filmed confusion rather than movie magic.
Now with the action a bust, the story better be good, but just as vital pieces of the story are told to us through Hopkins narration, key points are skipped over and then unexplainably revisited later in the film as if out of nowhere. In a film that is primarily linear only one time does Stone go back in time to retell something the audience already knows, unfortunately this one time is one time too many as it just creates confusion rather than sensible filmmaking.
I honestly felt bad for everyone involved in the making of this film, even Angelina Jolie whose accent wasn’t quite clear, but I am convinced it was Transylvanian, maybe she knows Dracula? I had zero expectations for Colin Farrell taking on such a grand role as Alexander the Great, and while he didn’t provide a show stopping performance he certainly was able to carry the role. Finally, Val Kilmer as Alexander’s father, Philip, turned in a worthy performance along with the majority of the actors, who all managed to save face despite their involvement in such a horrible picture.
My expectations were low going into this movie, but my hopes were high. Unfortunately coming out I learned my expectations were not low enough. Alexander is boring, long and embarrassing and I can’t help but to feel sorry for Warner Bros. and everyone involved. It should be safe to say that this may be the film Oliver Stone has a hard time recovering from.
