Inside the House of Black and White, Arya has been sweeping for days and is getting a little fed up. She begs Jaqen to teach her how to become a faceless man. He gives her a fairly standard, roundabout spiritual answer, about how she needs to serve the many-faced god. He is completely unhelpful in Arya’s eyes. Later, Arya is sitting in her room playing with her coin, when an expressionless young woman comes in. She paces and doesn’t look at Arya when she asks who she is. Arya answers “no one,” but the girl is relentless. Arya is quick to reach for her sword, but Jaqen interrupts. Arya again swears she is ready to be a faceless man, but Jaqen knows better – and this time he gives her a hint as to why she isn’t: You are still in Arya Stark’s clothing, with Arya Stark’s belongings. She heads to the water’s edge, dressed in plain, shapeless sackcloth. She throws in her clothes, her coin, her stolen silver, but when it comes to her sword, she just can’t do it. She hides her sword in a rock wall and then returns to the sweeping. Jaqen comes for her and takes her to an underground room where the other girl is standing beside a corpse. Jaqen leaves without a word, and the girl starts to undress the corpse. Arya helps, then the girls start washing the corpse. “What next?” The girl doesn’t answer, so Arya continues to follow her lead.
Margaery and Tommen are officially wed. That night, Tommen is ecstatic after popping his cherry and wants to do this all day, every day. Margaery seems to genuinely be taken with him, or at least with his naiveté. She starts to, oh-so-subtly, plant the seeds in Tommen’s head to get rid of Cersei. “It’s wonderful to have your mom watching over you,” “You’ll always be her baby boy,” and “She’s so protective,” are all things she says in a complimentary way, but clearly plants seeds in Tommen’s head. He’s no longer a boy – he’s a man. He’s a king! The next morning, Tommen expresses to his mother how much he loves being married, but then asks Cersei if she misses Casterly Rock. “Wouldn’t you be happier there?” Meanwhile, Margaery is gossiping with her handmaidens about her new husband’s voracious sexual appetite, when Cersei pops in. Margaery greets her with a hug and continues the underhanded assault: “I wish we had some wine for you, but it’s a bit early in the day for us;” “How should I address you, as queen mother? Hopefully it will be queen grandmother soon!” Cersei doesn’t stay very long.
Elsewhere in the capitol, the High Septon is role-playing in a brothel when a few men burst in, led by Lancel, and take the Septon into custody. “You have profaned our faith,” Lancel charges, hellbent on purging him. The Sparrows drag him out of the brothel and make him walk down the street naked, occasionally whipping him when he tries to cover his penis. When they are finished with him, the Septon – now fully clothed – goes before Cersei and her council, furious at the insult he just faced. Some on the council debate what a man of god was doing in a brothel in the first place, but he wants justice. He wants those who shamed him arrested and the High Sparrow executed.
Cersei visits the Sparrows, who live in a ghetto. It is overcrowded, stinks, and is filled with people who are ill and infirm. Cersei asks a man serving soup to direct her to the High Sparrow, but this is him and he tells her he is no one special. He speaks with a frank modesty that makes him feel like a cult leader. He knows she is there to punish him for the incident with the High Septon, but he does not apologize for his followers’ actions – he abhors hypocrisy. Cersei informs him that the Septon wants him executed, but she herself thinks the Septon’s behavior is corrosive, so she threw him in the dungeon. “The faith and the crown are the pillars that hold society up,” Cersei says. “If one collapses, the other will follow. We must do everything to keep it up.” She seems genuinely taken with the High Sparrow, and it wouldn’t surprise me if she joins their ranks in one form or another by the end of the season.
Roose has decided that in order for House Bolton to become a great house, they must form a great alliance, and there is no better way to do that than through marriage. He has found the perfect bride for Ramsay to solidify their hold on the north. We all know where this is going: Sansa. She and Baelish look out over Moat Cailin from a distance when Baelish drops the bomb. She is infuriated and would rather die than marry a Bolton. Baelish assures her that he won’t make her, but suggests she stop being a bystander, stop running away. “There is no justice in the world unless we make.” After some thought, Sansa follows Baelish to meet her husband-to-be. When presented to Roose, Sansa stares at him for a long moment before she curtseys, a perfect young lady of breeding. Ramsay is immediately taken by her and greets her warmly. A few other girls watch on, seething with jealousy. Sansa is taken to her room by an old lady, who welcomes home Lady Stark. “The north remembers,” she promises. Meanwhile, Roose and Baelish chat. Baelish assures him that Sansa is a virgin, but Roose doesn’t care; he needs her name, not her virtue. Roose has a message, sent by raven, from Cersei, demanding to see him immediately. Baelish bristles because Roose opened a communique addressed to him, but Roose makes no apologies: he is concerned about Baelish’s alliance. Baelish feels the Lannister name does not hold the power it once did, and wants to take a chance. Roose still doesn’t trust him.
At Knight’s Watch, Jon turns down Stannis’ offer. He swore a sacred vow to the Knight’s Watch, and this is where he belongs. Stannis will leave the fate of the wildlings to Jon, but warns him he has many enemies there, particularly Alliser Thorne. In the mess hall, Jon brings the meeting to order and starts handing out new assignments. It is time to build a latrine pit, and Alliser thinks he will get this job; instead it seems a “good job for a ginger.” Alliser is named first ranger, which he is quite pleased with. He gives Janos command of Greyguard, tasking him to repair it as best he can. Janos takes offense to this post and refuses. Jon reminds him it is a command, not an offer, but Janos still declines. “Stick your order up your bastard ass.” Jon commands Janos be taken outside and asks for his sword. Janos fights the entire way, claiming he has friends at the capital. Jon comes out, unhurried, and takes up his sword. He offers Janos his last words, and Janos turns into a sniveling kiss ass, apologizing, crying, whimpering, begging for his mercy, and promising to go to Greyguard. Jon beheads him anyway. Stannis, watching from afar, nods in approval.
Tyrion is bored out of his bloody mind and insists they stop. They are thousands of miles from the capital, and he thinks he can blend in as one more drunk dwarf. So they stop and walk the bustling streets of the slave quarters. Tyrion is drawn to a red priestess, preaching in the streets. He gets uncomfortable when they lock eyes and hurries on to a brothel. In the brothel, one of the whores is dressed as Daenerys, and she is by far the most popular. Tyrion instead chooses a spunky young whore who is clearly no one’s favorite. Tyrion likes her because she has a skeptical mind. She agrees to sleep with him, with the provision that they wash him first. She takes him by the hand, and Tyrion freezes – he can’t. Physically, he can’t. Maybe it has to do with drinking his weight in booze every day. He is shocked, maybe a touch embarrassed, and wonders what he will do in his spare time. He excuses himself to take a piss outside. Jorah, who was seen earlier in the brothel, sneaks up on him, drops a rope around his neck, and ties him up. “I’m taking you to the queen,” the dwarf-napper vows as he throws Tyrion over his shoulder.
Also: Brienne and Podrick have followed Sansa to Moat Cailin, but still stay far enough away. They camp for the night and truly bond. She apologizes for snapping at him, and he takes it all in stride. “If you didn’t, I wouldn’t learn anything.” He shares how he was sent to squire for the imp as a punishment, but Tyrion was very kind; Brienne shares how Renly Baratheon was kind to her, and how she carries the guilt of his murder with her. She knows in her heart it was Stannis who killed him.
We also see Qyburn in his laboratory, with an immense, tarp-covered table behind him. Suddenly the tarp starts to spasm and moan, but Qyburn is unconcerned and tells the lump to take it easy. It looks like Qyburn is Frankensteining a new Mountain!
Below, you can watch a preview of the fourth episode of Game of Thrones Season 5, titled “Sons of the Harpy.”
