Van Helsing hype is all around us and the anticipation couldn’t be greater, but after 30 minutes of Van Helsing you begin to feel your anticipation wither away into boredom until the final sequence where you begin to wonder just how Universal could have allowed this film to be released without trying to at least revive the ending, which literally had the screening audience dying with laughter.
Van Helsing follows the famous monster hunter brought to life eons ago by Bram Stoker in his famous novel Dracula. The difference now is that Van Helsing has more to deal with than just the prince of darkness, but also werewolves and a goofy lug that claims to be Frankenstein.
The film begins in old-school black and white as we are taken back to the day where Dr. Frankenstein brings his famous monster to life. Unfortunately his achievement is interrupted by not only an angry, fire-wielding mob but Count Dracula himself. What happens next I won’t say, but soon thereafter we are whisked away to old Paris where Van Helsing is in the middle of catching up with Mr. Hyde, a CGI version of him at least, which marks our hero’s entrance.
Soon afterwards we realize that Van Helsing is under the employ of the Vatican, which comes fully equipped with its own James Bond gadget room, and brings us to our assignment. VH is to team up with Anna Valerious (Beckinsale) a gypsy monster hunter whose family has all but been annihilated by Count Dracula (Roxburgh).
There is a lot more that goes on that I won’t go into but let’s just say that this movie never stops adding plot twists and then suddenly gets caught up in its own story and must rely on cliche moments and “lucky us” scenarios to get our heroes out of the jams they find themselves in.
To go along with the loud soundtrack and endless amounts of CGI animation this film lacks in acting at every level, which cannot all be blamed on the cast seeing how they did not have a lot to work with. As scenes get more and more corny along the way so does the dialogue and situations cast members find themselves in. Let me just ask you this, “What would you do if you saw a swarm of little goblins coming at your town to drink your blood?” If you answered go outside and greet them then Van Helsing is the film for you.
I also have to bring a complaint down on Richard Roxburgh and his Brides Silvia Colloca, Josie Maran and Elena Anaya. First of all the Brides are actually quite cool as the fly around snatching people up but due to a PG-13 rating you aren’t treated to any blood and they soon lose their appeal after the first time you hear them cackle as if they were the Wicked Witch of the West.
As for Roxburgh, I couldn’t help but wish that I was home watching Coppola’s version of Dracula, played by Gary Oldman as he took one of the most infamous bad guys of all time and turned him into a joke.
It is hard to tell if this film actually wants to take itself seriously or not, but it is a black mark on all those involved, particularly Stephen Sommers who wrote and directed the entire mess.
Sommers also brought us The Mummy and The Mummy Returns and it is no shock that he brings the same crappy imagination to this story that he brought to those. I wish Hollywood would abandon the idea of using CGI to drive the majority of the plotline in these films. It hurts the actors’ ability to act, as they cannot see what they are truly up against, and it also takes away from the story as the audience either begins thinking, “Wow, that is a great effect,” or “that just looks fake.” Either way your attention is removed from the film and you begin focusing on something that shouldn’t even matter.
Van Helsing is a disappointment from start to finish and anyone who loves the stories of Dracula, Frankenstein or werewolves will be quite upset to see this horrible adaptation of the old stories we have grown to fear. Films such as this will improve once studios forget about making millions on each flick, benefiting from every opportunity to market memorabilia from the film, and concentrate on making quality pictures.
And as a final note, please tell me how a movie with werewolves and vampires can possibly be PG-13. Please, anyone, TELL ME!!!
