If you’re looking to nitpick you could tear This Means War apart. Whether you begin with the idea Reese Witherspoon would have to resort to online dating to find a man or that CIA agents live in plush condos with swimming pools serving as their ceilings, you could have a field day pulling at every loose end. However, you mix the charm and charisma of both Tom Hardy (The Dark Knight Rises) and Chris Pine (Star Trek) with some snappy one-liners and tasteless jokes from Chelsea Handler as she wolfs down Cheetos in the midst of a ritualistic sex fantasy with her husband and I was largely entertained for the film’s duration.
This Means War relies wholly on the interplay between Pine and Hardy as FDR and Tuck respectively, a pair of CIA operatives that have been friends for life who now find themselves pining for the same girl. Considering that’s the main thrust of the film, there’s also a small side story involving an international criminal (Til Schweiger) and an opening sequence atop a high rise in Hong Kong that serves as a pretty good example as to how the rest of the film is going to play out. Each scene has a big build, followed by a gag, gimmick or action piece closed out with a witty joke. This isn’t high concept screenwriting, but in short bursts it works thanks to the casting of the male leads.
Witherspoon plays Lauren, a sad-faced girl that can’t seem to find the right man. As far as this film is concerned she’s the meat hanging in the butcher’s showcase to be had, devoured and enjoyed even though screenwriters Timothy Dowling and Simon Kinberg try and convince us she’s doing what so few women get to do — she’s playing the field.
However you want to look at it, her character gets a few good lines in, but she’s more-or-less used as the object of affection as FDR and Tuck use every government tool at their disposal to sabotage each other’s game while gaining intel for their own plan of attack.
Yes, I’m fully aware of how stupid that sounds and if you’re someone that demands realism from your films this one is most certainly not for you. Satellite and thermal imaging are just a couple of examples of the technology used in an effort to win Witherspoon’s heart. Even a drone is destroyed with a single bullet from a handgun and I would like to think those things could sustain at least one shot from small arms fire before exploding in mid-air. This isn’t The Hurt Locker you’re walking into. A better comparison would be Knight and Day, though at 98 minutes and with an on-the-edge PG-13-rating, this one definitely plays a bit more crass.
The majority of the film’s acidity comes courtesy of Chelsea Handler who adds color to all of Witherspoon’s scenes when Hardy and Pine aren’t around. Playing Lauren’s best friend Trish, Handler portrays a consistently drunk mother with a foul mouth who appears to be living vicariously through Lauren while frequently reminding us how much she loves her husband. In short, she’s something of a paradox and I’m quite sure her personalities would constantly be at war with one another until she ultimately exploded if she were a real person. Like the rest of the film, her character doesn’t make much sense, but she fires off enough one-liners that I appreciated when she was around.
Directed by McG, This Means War has to come as a sign his career is moving in the wrong direction. After successfully breaking out with the Charlie’s Angels films he tried to go serious with the by-the-numbers football feature We Are Marshall and then was handed the keys to the Terminator franchise only to blow that entirely. However, this move backward is probably a good thing as films such as Charlie’s Angels and This Means War may not be the highest caliber of action features, but McG handles them well and this one in particular I had a lot of fun with.
The logic problems are certainly there, but I wasn’t expecting a realistic point-by-point breakdown of the consequences should two CIA agents decide to use company equipment to land a girl. The premise is absurd and I accepted that. What mattered was what was done with that absurdity.
What I hoped for was a film that would take what would most likely be a routine script and give it some pep, and that’s what I got in the performances from Hardy and Pine, two actors that clearly bring a unique energy to most anything they’re involved with even if it is something this formulaic. I also found Christophe Beck’s unique score of interest and Handler, while only tolerable in small doses, added some spunk when necessary.
It’s hard to overlook the slapdash ending and not take it down a couple notches, but for what it’s worth I would certainly watch This Means War again a few months down the line.
