The original Poltergeist is a film PG-advocates (yes, they exist. Theyre called parents.) hold up as an example of how, in the right hands, horror can both terrify and toe the line of family-friendly entertainment. As we hold our breath in anticipation of the remakes release (Good? Bad? Different?), lets take a look at some of the scariest PG- and PG-13 horror flicks of the past fifty years.
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Sean Abley is a playwright, screenwriter, journalist, and zombie enthusiast. His writing has appeared in The Advocate, Unzipped, Fangoria as well asFangoria.com and ChillerTV.com. His latest book is OUT IN THE DARK: INTERVIEWS WITH GAY HORROR FILMMAKERS, ACTORS AND AUTHORS.
Scariest PG // PG-13
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Scariest PG // PG-13 #1
Poltergeist (1982) Dir. Tobe Hooper
I’ve said it once, I’ll say it a million times—narratively, this film is a disaster. There’s no consistency to the haunting; hallucinations and possessed objects and spectral assault and portals to other dimensions and and and… Plus the “you left the bodies and you only moved the headstones!” accusation makes no sense—any house with a foundation (i.e., every house) would have to dig down far enough to hit the bodies during construction. But it’s fucking fun as hell, and terrifying. Beloved by genre fans, the announcement of the remake was met with great skepticism. But if the mark of a good remake is improving on the original, there is potential here for a more consistent narrative, while still delivering the scares. Fingers crossed.
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Scariest PG // PG-13 #2
Jaws (1975) Dir. Steven Spielberg & Jaws 2 (1978) Dir. Jeannot Szwarc
How a film that served up a child eaten by a shark ended up with a PG rating in 1975 is a mystery to this writer, but apparently the MPAA felt tweens should be terrified of the ocean. Although the pace of the film is uneven, with long stretches of unnecessary dialogue scenes, and some performances falling firmly into schmacting (I’m looking at you, Dreyfuss. And you too, Shaw.), Roy Scheider is brilliant and the shark attack scenes are terrifying. Jeannot Szwarc’s sequel, Jaws 2, shifts the tone from a contemplative, man vs. nature film to a creature feature flick full of crowd-pleasing shark attacks. Although very different, both films deliver in the scares department.
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Scariest PG // PG-13 #3
The Ring (2002) Dir. Gore Verbinski
This American remake of the Japanese Ringu came at a time when any theatrically-released PG-13 horror film was met with derision from the genre community. “What is this, Goosebumps, The Movie?” But Gore Verbinski made ‘em all eat their words with this superior paranormal thriller; his direction of Ehren Kruger’s script is economical and focused, and Naomi Watts is at the top of her game, allowing us to participate in the dread both with her, and as her. A great example of both PG-13 horror and well-crafted remakes.
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Scariest PG // PG-13 #4
Tourist Trap (1979) Dir. David Schmoeller
Once of the best “They took a wrong turn” B-movies, giving granddaddy of the genre, Texas Chain saw Massacre, a run for its money despite the PG vs. R rating. Interestingly, neither film is bloody, but both are quite cruel in their violence. Jocelyn Jones and her pals find themselves at the titular location after their car breaks down; a mini-theme park fashioned by owner Chuck Connors with mannequins, motors and maybe some telekinesis on the side. Sure enough the young trespassers are offed one by one, but instead of being ground into interloper sausage, they’re transformed into creepy new mannequins. The film presents an interesting twist on the genre, adding what could be a paranormal aspect (or is it?) plus some light crossdressing for flavor.
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Scariest PG // PG-13 #5
Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956( Dir. Don Siegel, and Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978) Dir. Philip Kaufman
Paranoia, dread, deception, fear of the hive mind—all PG-rated states-of-being well explored in the first two film versions of Jack Finney’s novel, The Body Snatchers. The 1956 original can be seen as a Red Scare metaphor, while the 1978 version is firmly anti-government. And although the 1978 remake features a few gruesome FX shots (Donald Sutherland’s pod duplicate taking a hoe to the face courtesy of Donald Sutherland), the main course in both films is the unwavering, unending pressure under which the main characters are placed once the aliens’ plot is revealed. The respective endings are shocking, and both films absolutely withstand the test of time.
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Scariest PG // PG-13 #6
Salem’s Lot (1979) Dir. Tobe Hooper
A bit of a cheat, as Salem’s Lot was originally a TV miniseries. But if you consider the constraints of network television in the 80s as analogous to a PG-rating, Salem’s Lot definitely qualifies for this list. The school bus scene, Ralphie Glick at the window, Susan being attacked—just a few moments from an exceptional adaptation of one of Stephen King’s best novels. If only subsequent network television horror held up to this promise.
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Scariest PG // PG-13 #7
Insidious (2010) and Insidious: Chapter 2 (2013) Dir. James Wan
Listed together because, while both movies are effectively scary despite their PG-13 ratings, Insidious: Chapter 2 provides so much new (and honestly, better) material to the continuity, you should watch them back-to-back as one film. Employing the now tried-and-true Blumhouse Productions formula of packing one main location with recognizable, and sometimes A-list, actors, Insidious tells the story of the Lambert family (Patrick Wilson, Rose Byrne, Ty Simpkins, Andrew Astor), bedeviled by some form of poltergeist activity in their home. Insidious: Chapter 2 continues the saga, including enlightening plot points that redeem some of the weaknesses of the first film. While the comic relief (Angus Sampson and screenwriter Leigh Whannell) lands with a resounding thud, the scary stuff definitely keeps the viewer sweating along with the Lamberts.
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Scariest PG // PG-13 #8
Drag Me to Hell (2009) Dir. Sam Raimi
Sam Raimi proves you don’t have to sever heads at the neck or pull intestines out of stomachs to deliver a truly scary film. Alison Lohman stars as a meek loan officer who denies an extension to the wrong gypsy. Countdown to being dragged to Hell. The relentless attacks on Lohman and her costars are at such a pace and ferocity the viewer never has time to consider the teen-friendly rating. After watching Drag Me to Hell you’ll ask yourself, “That was PG-13?”
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Scariest PG // PG-13 #9
Jurassic Park (1993) Dir. Steven Spielberg
A revelation of realistic CG effects at the time of its release, Jurassic Park is also damn scary. Although Hollywood standard practice dictates you don’t kill your A-list stars or children in big budget studio pics, you’ll question the wisdom of those expectations all the way to the last moments of this fun-times-ten creature feature. Impeccably crafted by Steven Spielberg, you’ll believe a dinosaur can fly…
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Scariest PG // PG-13 #10
Cloverfield (2008) Dir. Matt Reeves
Something is attacking NYC, and we (the audience) discover the soon-to-be classified truth along with the main characters, as events unfold in real time. The key to this found footage flick is tension; once the main action of the film begins, you’re never for a moment given the opportunity to relax. Although there are some absolutely unbelievable plot developments, and the dialogue is mostly of the “Oh, my God, run!” variety, there’s no denying spending 90 minutes in the Cloverfield world is terrifying.
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Scariest PG // PG-13 #11
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984) Dir. Steven Spielberg
The MPAA frequently hands out R-ratings for “intensity,” yet somehow this flick passed PG muster (and was eventually one of the films that led to the creation of PG-13). As an audience member, we understand no dire fate will befall Jones, his kid sidekick, or the beautiful nightclub singer, but damned if Spielberg doesn’t have us doubting our convictions during the course of the film. And while our three leads make it out alive, not so lucky are several other characters, including one guy who gets his heart ripped out of his chest while he’s still alive. Yikes! Definitely a film of the “nonstop thrill ride” variety, …Temple of Doom definitely pushes the boundaries of PG-rated family fare.
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Scariest PG // PG-13 #12
Coraline (2009) Dir. Henry Selick
Remember when children’s movies involved kidnapping (Chitty Chitty Bang Bang), stepparent-ordered murder of their stepchildren (Sleeping Beauty), and implied gruesome deaths and/or maiming (Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory)? Coraline harks back to a simpler time when you could pit a kid against a terrible killer and not be slapped with an R-rating. Dakota Fanning provides the voice for Coraline, a young girl who travels to the Other World to find her missing parents. This animated feature includes dead kids with buttons for eyes, parents turning into murderous creatures, severed hands, and a general gloom and doom that’s unsettling for parents, let alone children. Based on the book by Neil Gaiman, Coraline is a film that meets kids where they are, not where parents want them to be.
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Scariest PG // PG-13 #13
Watership Down (1978) Dir. Martin Rosen
Is it a horror movie? Not really. Is it scary? Fuck. Yes. The quote used as a tagline for the original U.S. poster set the tone for this animated tale set in the world of animals: “All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a Thousand Enemies, and when they catch you, they will kill you… But first they must catch you.” Inexplicably marketed to children, Watership Down (based on the Richard Adams novel) contains scenes of horrible violence, death and torture….of bunnies! Ask anyone who was between the ages of 6 and 11 in 1978, and they’ll tell you of the lasting, scary impressions made by viewing the film at such a tender age. Even as an adult, Watership Down will put you in the strange position of fearing really mean rabbits. A film that truly earns the adjective “haunting.”
Photo: Everett Collection
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Scariest PG // PG-13 #14
Carriers (2009) Dir. David Pastor, Àlex Pastor
Unsettling and uncompromising, Carriers never found its audience during its half-hearted theatrical release, and that’s a shame. The plot is only as complicated as the log line: Four people try to avoid a highly contagious disease that’s killed almost the entire population of the planet. Moody, intense, and relentlessly downbeat, this post-apocalyptic “What if…?” flick is stripped down to the barest essentials; four characters, a disease, and a road. How do you avoid death if the thing that kills you is everyone else?
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Scariest PG // PG-13 #15
War of the Worlds (2005) Dir. Steven Spielberg
Is it a coincidence Steven Spielberg has so many entries on this list? While most genre filmmakers would consider a required PG-13 rating a yoke around their neck, Spielberg returns to the family-friendly fright film again and again. Tom Cruise and Dakota Fanning, father and daughter on the run from an alien invasion, are in almost every frame of the film, carrying us with them as we experience the battle from their eyes. We see nothing they don’t, which gives even the sound design a chance to shine (and terrify).
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Scariest PG // PG-13 #16
Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things (1972) Dir. Bob Clark
Okay, okay, yes, I get it. But Children… wasn’t meant to be viewed as most of us have in the past 20+ years, i.e., on the local “Creature Feature” or VHS. Reduced to the idiot box in the safety of your home, the film seems downright quaint. However, if your first exposure to the late Bob Clark’s opus was as intended, say at a drive-in or late night screening in a darkened theater, you would experience a truly scary no-budget zombie flick. Talk of a remake pops up every couple of years or so, and I die a little inside each time. Not that I’m anti-remake, but the heart of Children… is firmly in the inspiration of the filmmakers, rather than the resources available during production; a big budget remake would have to work awfully hard to replicate the charm of the original.
