Coming to DVD Tuesday, June 2nd
Cast:
Crystal Allen as Amanda
John Rhys-Davies as Murdoch
Calin Stanciu as Alex
Linden Ashby as Jackson
Danny Midwinter as Scott
Ana Ularu as Heather
Claudiu Bleont as Armon
Anca-Ioana Androne as Wendy
Directed by Don E. FauntLeRoy
Review:
Let me preface this review by saying that I love giant animal movies! If you’ve ever wondered who they make those dopey Sci-Fi Channel movies for, well it’s for me. Give me a giant animal of any kind (snake, crocodile, kangaroo, whatever) throw in vague scientific reasoning and maybe some guys with guns that have just blundered into the giant monster’s domain and I’m in B-movie heaven.
I am one of the few out there that has followed the Anaconda series since the first adventure with J. Lo and Ice Cube. I wasn’t a fan of the second, and I kind of liked the paint-by-numbers third entry with David Hasselhoff and everyone’s favorite character actor John Rhys-Davies mucking about. When I was asked to review the fourth installment in the definitive giant snake series I jumped at the chance.
Rhys-Davies returns as the sinister business man Murdoch, who has sunk $50 million into longevity research. His scientists are synthesizing the essence of the blood orchid (like in part 2) and using anacondas (for some reason) to test the restorative effects of the orchid’s serum. Amanda (played by Crystal Allen) is one of those scientists and after the inevitable escape of the super snakes in part 3 this film begins with her back on the hunt for the remaining snakes and a hermit scientist who has been growing the blood orchids and most likely producing serum by the truckload. She wants to get there before Murdoch does, but Murdoch has cleverly hired a bunch of assassins to track her and the missing scientist down and take them out once and for all. She runs into a young kid, who is also a scientist, who drove into the woods and is following a map for a reason that is never really made clear to us and they become the best of friends.
If that wasn’t enough for one movie, they decide to add another subplot. A group of (guess what?) scientists (paleontologists or anthropologists or something sciency like that) show up in the area to relieve the first group of scientists that were sent there to investigate some kind of ancient burial site. In this group is Linden Ashby (Johnny Cage himself), who replaces Hasselhoff in name value. The Hoff didn’t make it out of the third movie (sorry for the spoiler). The scientists find the original team’s camp but find them dead. The snake has gotten to them and it is only a matter of time before the snake brings all these unnecessary plot threads together in one (semi) cohesive thrill ride. Okay, maybe not so much a thrill ride as people running in the woods from a terrible CG snake.
Amanda teams up with the scientists, after running into them while escaping the jaws of the lamest giant snake in town. Then the hired guns find them and hold them hostage until Amanda goes and retrieves the serum from them. The scientist has died, but Amanda knows how to get to his place and get the men their serum. Then the snake attacks and kills a few people and the survivors escape. That’s pretty much it.
I know this will be hard to believe, but this was the most boring and lamest entry in the series yet. The snake this time around is runty and horribly rendered, but he now has cool regenerative powers and not even blowing its head off can kill it. The biggest problem there is that it barely shows up in the film, leaving too much time for the silly science vs. assassins plot. The acting is okay, except for the Romanian girls trying to pretend they’re Americans. They are the cause for one of the most painful “listening to the radio” scenes I have ever witnessed.
There is one great moment in this subpar giant snake movie. One of the soldiers is about to be eaten by the anaconda so he takes out two grenades, pulls the pins, and screams as he holds them out, presumably to blow himself up with the snake. But a second passes and he opens his eyes to find the snake slithering away. He has another quick second to react and explodes. That’s why I watch shitty giant monster movies, for cool moments like that. I just wish this film had more of them and didn’t feel the need to retread the clichéd third movie, either.
