Review: Greystone Park

Greystone Park certainly has nothing new or interesting to offer. It could have been written by a computer program. It is vapid and feels mechanical, cobbled together from other sources in the hope that enough horror fans will check it out of curiosity so a few people can make a buck. Don’t give them the satisfaction.

The story is set in October 2009. Three young filmmakers decide to break into an abandoned mental hospital. Said hospital was constructed in 1876 and at one time was the largest psychiatric hospital in the nation. It was home to lobotomies, electric shock therapy, and torture. Thousands of patients were subjected to such treatment. 

In one case, doctors erased all records on a patient so that they could experiment on him. Allegedly he still haunts the hospital. For kicks, Sean (director Sean Stone), Alex (Alexander Wraith), and Antonella (Antonella Lentini) decide to find out for themselves, and of course they bring a camera in order to document their exploration. 

For what feels like hours, we watch the trio search the decrepit building. It is nothing you haven’t seen countless times before and you need more than just a creepy old building to make a scary flick. Watching them roam the building and constantly freak out over every noise they hear simply isn’t scary. Adding insult to injury, they squabble endlessly and are unpleasant to be around. You’ll be wishing them harm long before it’s over. 

The first hour is mind-numbingly dull and a chore to sit through. They keep wandering around long after any person with half a brain would leave. The action picks up a little in the home stretch, but it’s way too little and way too late. At that point, after all the meandering and bickering and self-referential drivel (“Haven’t you ever seen a horror movie?”), it’s impossible to care about whether or not the building is really haunted or the fate of the trio. 

There is one fairly effective sequence. The building, as you can imagine, is extremely dark. A flashlight surveys the darkness. But the tension doesn’t last and it ends up being a wasted opportunity. That is the only time Greystone Park is remotely suspenseful. Otherwise, it is a derivative and tedious mess.


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