I can’t say I was ever bored while I sat through 161 minutes of Watchmen, but I can say I was never really entertained. In keeping so faithful to the Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons celebrated graphic novel director Zack Snyder’s adaptation (or should I say damn near page-for-page reproduction) flat lines with barely a heartbeat to speak of. So much attention was paid to visuals and creating an accurate reproduction of the source material the film forgets to connect to the audience as the characters in Watchmen mumble, grumble and groan from scene to scene as the multilayered ’80s comic is now a paint-by-numbers fanboy fetish film.
The film is set in an alternate history where costumed superheroes were once accepted as vigilante law, but have since been outlawed. Richard Nixon is the President of the United States and he has just been re-elected for a third term and the threat of nuclear war with Russia is imminent. One time costumed heroes have retired, gone into hiding, are working for the government and some have even been killed. The film dissects these events in telling the stories of what happened while exploring the mystery of what is to come.
The story, as described, is fascinating, but it is also extensive and too big for one film. As a result what has become a two hour and 41 minute movie remains a condensed and simplified version. It’s as if Snyder has peeled away the layers of the onion to get to the core, yet in the process of getting to the heart of it all he kept in so many scenes of exposition many of them prove to be worthless and turn the story into a plodding visual experiment with little to no substance.
It’s hard to find a complaint with the acting; although I still hold to the fact Matthew Goode wasn’t right for the role of Adrian Veidt (aka Ozymandias). Goode doesn’t have the power or the presence to pull off the role. Veidt is a man considered the smartest man on the planet and one that’s even compared to Alexander the Great. Goode comes off as weak, skinny and fragile making his performance seem like an act rather than a natural reflex, and it weighs heavily on the climax of the film.
The only characters you ever care a lick about are Rorschach, played perfectly by Jackie Earle Haley, and The Comedian, with which Jeffrey Dean Morgan did just about as good as you could expect. However, the characters played by Malin Ackerman and Patrick Wilson are hollow vessels — through no fault of the actors — and Billy Crudup as Dr. Manhattan, while performed well, just gets in the way. Manhattan is the emotionless “super” man of the film and other than serving as a source for glossy special effects he is only good for one scene near the end of the picture yet too much time is dedicated to his character, which worked much better on the page than it does on the big screen.
Watchmen comes with a soundtrack of ’80s songs that are truly terrible in terms of fitting in with the tone of the film even though they serve the period of which it’s set. The musical cues are corny, loud and entirely out of place as they make way for their climax as Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” plays over what may be the worst sex scene ever filmed. Watchmen is a fanboy’s true fantasy as characters from their favorite comic now walk and talk and it all comes with boobies as what should be a tender moment is turned into some softcore railing.
Strangely enough, considering the long and treacherous road Watchmen took to get to the big screen, it plays like a movie that could have been made 10-15 years ago. A lack of technology may have actually helped the picture since more focus would have been placed on story rather than on effects.
Filmed adaptations are called adaptations for a reason. Not everything on the page will work in a movie and when that is the case it must be changed to fit the medium. Perhaps this would have meant making a modern version of the story and an added dose of emotion from more than just one character. Sure, fans had their hearts set on seeing Nixon, and Dr. Manhattan shaking hands with John Kennedy, but maybe a third term for W. and a hand-shake with H.W. is what the film needed. Instead of Vietnam make it Desert Storm; have Manhattan capture Saddam while the North Koreans prepare for nuclear war. As I was watching it was easy to see parallels, but wouldn’t it have been more relevant if these parallels were made using an alternate history of today’s society as opposed to one from 25 years ago?
This is just an idea and one way I can think of to help an audience connect to a story that seems distant and pointless. Fact is it just didn’t work for me, but I would be robbing you of a potential great experience if I didn’t urge you to go see it and judge for yourself as I am sure there will be those that disagree with me completely.
